Diamond River Currents...Monadnock Region...Keene, NH: July 2009

MARY MEEFURST:  Welcome, welcome!  I'm your host, Mary Meefurst, and I'm here to help you find the very best property to meet your needs.......IF.....

AUDIENCE:  THE COMMISSION PRICE IS RIGHT!!!

MARY:  In case this is your first time joining us, here are the basics of our game:

We help folks buy and sell real estate!

<APPLAUSE>

We take note of what they are looking for in a property

<APPLAUSE>

We use our MLS-O-METER to narrow down the list of available properties to include only those that meet the buyer's criteria

<APPLAUSE>

We're here to help you find your dream!  So...are we ready to play?

AUDIENCE:  YES!!!

MARY: Okay...let's get started!  Our first buyer contestant is Polly Preekwall...let's give her a big welcome, shall we?

AUDIENCE:  WELCOME, POLLY!!!

MARY:  Okay, Polly, you know the rules, so let's get started....

Question 1-What are you looking for in your dream home?

POLLY:  Well, Mary, after 25 years of raising our family, my husband and I have found ourselves in an empty nest!

AUDIENCE:  Awwwww.....

MARY:    Aha..so the chicks have flown the coop, have they?

POLLY: They have, Mary, and we're hoping to find a great condo near a golf course to enjoy our golden years!

AUDIENCE:  Awwwww....

MARY:  Golden years, indeed, Polly!  Congratulations on reaching that milestone!  Now, tell me, what price range are you considering?

POLLY: Well, we'd like to stay between $250k and $300k, if possible.

MARY:  No problem...Bob, enter the price range into the MLS-O-METER

BOB:  You got it, Mary!

MARY: Now, Polly, what other features are you looking for?

POLLY: Well, at least two bedrooms...three might be better.  We'd like to have the grandkids visit occasionally.

MARY: Bob...you know what to do!

BOB:  2+ BR...Check!

POLLY:  On a golf course...

BOB:  Way ahead of you, Polly, ha ha...way ahead of you!

POLLY: Covered parking?

MARY:  Sure thing...anything else?

POLLY:  Gosh...I've always dreamed of a gourmet kitchen...can I have that too?

MARY:   You bet you can...Bob?

BOB:    Now we're cooking, Ladies...heh heh!

MARY:  Anything else?

POLLY:  Nooo...I don't think so.

MARY:   Alrighty, then...Let's crank up the MLS-O-METER and see what we find!

AUDIENCE:  CRANK IT UP, CRANK IT UP!!!

<clickety-clickety-clickety-- DINGDINGDINGDINGDING!!>

MARY:   Sounds like we have something, Bob! 

BOB:      Right you are Mary...here's the listing sheet!

MARY:    Thank you, Bob!  Polly...our MLS-O-METER has selected the perfect home for you...Are you ready to see it?

POLLY:    Oh, Yes, Mary...Show me!  Show me!!

MARY:     Okay, Polly...here we go:  We have a fabulous condo here...It's located in Dreamy Acres..

AUDIENCE:  Oooooh!

MARY:     3 bedrooms...2 ½ baths....with...fabulously appointed gourmet kitchen featuring granite counters, custom cabinetry, professional stainless steel appliances...

<APPLAUSE & CHEERS>

MARY:    Situated near the 14^th green, with beautiful view of the lake...and...ohmygosh, Polly...it has a Clubhouse!  With an indoor playground, video arcade, movie theater, on-site masseuse, beauty salon, and "too much more to mention". 

POLLY:    Sounds perfect, Mary...but...is it in our price range?

MARY:     Well, Polly, how does $249,900 sound?

<APPLAUSE>

POLLY: (tearfully) Oh, Mary, it's my dream!  And the perfect price!  I can't believe you found me my dream home!  Oh, thankyouthankyouthankyou!

MARY:   Well, Polly, that's what we do here...we make dreams come true!

<WILD APPLAUSE>

POLLY:   I can't wait to tell my husband!

MARY:    I'll bet!  But don't forget, we have one more hurdle to cross....Bill, you know the drill...

BILL:      You know I do, Mary...Here it comes...

(hands second sheet to Mary)

MARY:   Okay, Polly, I have it here.  The deciding factor!  Will you or won't you get to see your dream home?

POLLY:   Gosh, Mary, I'm so nervous...

MARY:    Then let's get to it...We've satisfied all your requirements.  I can see by your name that you are already qualified to buy.  So, without further ado, let's see if you can pursue your dream....Audience?

AUDIENCE:  IF THE COMMISSION PRICE IS RIGHT!!!!!

MARY:    Polly, if the published commission is high enough, you may see this home.  If not...well, you know how the game is played...

POLLY:  Huh?

MARY:   And the published commission is...........1.5%!!!

<LOUD, OBNOXIOUS BUZZER>

AUDIENCE: <Gasps> Ohhhhhhhh

POLLY:    Huh??

MARY:    I'm sorry, Polly.  The published commission is below our minimum acceptable level of compensation...It's our policy to only show homes offering 3% or more.  Not even close, I'm afraid...

POLLY:  HUH????

MARY:   What a shame!  Well, Polly, thanks for playing.  And don't worry, you're not leaving empty-handed!  Bob, tell her what she's won!

BOB:      Polly, as a token of our appreciation, you get a IF THE COMMISSION PRICE IS RIGHT travel mug, backpack, t-shirt and a copy of the Dreamy Acres area phone book with our compliments!  You can use it to find an agent who doesn't care how much he or she is making on the deal.

POLLY:   An agent who doesn't care?

MARY:    Bob means you are free to locate an agent who will put your needs ahead of their own.  We call them the Golden Rulers...<rolls eyes>...I'm sure they'll be able to help you find something suitable...even if it doesn't pay them as much as we know we're worth!  Good Luck, Polly!  And thanks again for playing...

AUDIENCE:  IF THE COMMISSION PRICE IS RIGHT!!!

<cue music>

SEXY VOICEOVER:  If you'd like to be a contestant on IF THE COMMISSION PRICE IS RIGHT! Send us your name, area of interest, financial statements, and, of course, your phone number.  You just might be our next lucky Buyer on IF THE COMMISSION PRICE IS RIGHT!

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Disclaimer:  No game show hosts were harmed in the creation of this material.  The opinions expressed and commission figures used are for illustrative purposes only.  The author admits to a certain level of disdain for any agent who puts their own interests ahead of their customers' and clients'.  Although inspired by actual events, any similarity to licensed real estate agents, whether living or dead, Realtors® or otherwise, is purely coincidental.  Refer to the National Association of Realtors® for further information regarding the Realtors® Code of Ethics. http://www.realtor.org/realtororg.nsf/pages/codeofethics-consumerquestions

Classic 4 bedroom, 1 3/4 bath ranch in wonderful West Keene neighborhood. Gorgeous hardwood floors throughout this well-built family home is set near the end of a dead-end road. Outdoors there is plenty of space for play and gardening, cookouts on the patio...and if it rains, just move the party to the 3-season porch/breezeway/mudroom.

Family room addition featuring bay window, built-in cabinetry, hearth with woodstove, backyard access and more of those gorgeous hardwoods would make an incredible Master Bedroom retreat! And don't worry about giving up the family room...the basement is huge and comprises of 3 rooms...plenty of room for a spacious family room and still have your workshop, man-cave, office...you decide! To further reduce heating costs, there's a second woodstove in the lower level.

Fireplaced living room with huge triple-window lets in lots of light, and the charming formal dining room also boasts a large double window for a sunny brunch setting or draw the curtains, light some candles, and enjoy an intimate dinner party.

The full bath offers a spa-like atmosphere with its jetted tub and steam shower--the perfect way to relax and unwind after a long day!

The vintage kitchen features plenty of wood cabinetry and a built-in pantry with pull-out shelving. Efficient layout allows for additional dining space or room to customize to suit your culinary needs.

This home has been lovingly cared for and is ready to begin its next chapter as your place for Happily Ever After...Let your story begin here!

Incredible opportunity for First-Time Homebuyers or Downsizers looking to simplify.  Very well maintained home on .24 acres with detached garage and additional storage shed and plenty of room for gardening and play.

No more park fees!  Definitely worth a look, this spacious home has a lot to offer, and at this price it can't be beat!

Large eat-in kitchen, separate laundry area, very spacious Living Room with fireplace, screen porch to enjoy summer evenings listening to the sounds of the Branch River.

2 Bedrooms plus an 11 x 11 bonus room addition with access to back yard perfect for home office, crafts, etc.

Convenient location in a peaceful setting priced well below assessment.

Affordable living without park fees...truly a place to call your own! This is definitely not just another drive-by...once you step inside you will appreciate the space and value within!

Your own home and land with outbuildings, a great location and priced at only $80,000...what are you waiting for?